Depositing Sweetness

Our marriage is filled with small rituals. Each morning after Jan and I greet each other, we enjoy a long hug and a kiss. Then we move to our second daily ritual of morning writing. Jan heads off to her chair in our bedroom, and I enter our living room where my writing chair awaits. After about an hour of writing, I make breakfast and take it to Jan. Every morning, I place a small piece of chocolate on Jan’s plate to be savored after breakfast as it melts in her mouth under the warming influence of her last cup of coffee. 

It’s that little piece of daily chocolate that I am thinking about as I write these words. In case you might have some idyllic thoughts about our marriage, it’s that little piece of chocolate that I hope will create some relational equity when later in the day I say something stupid or hurt Jan’s feelings. 

Buying your wife flowers for no reason - just because, or doing the dishes without being asked or putting a piece of chocolate on a breakfast plate is what I call “depositing sweetness.” Anything we do to express our love to another person is like making a deposit in a savings account. Over time it collects interest.

My father was a rough and tumble kind of man. He grew up in the depths of the Great Depression, just trying to survive. He hopped freight trains to find work and boxed a few rounds on Friday night for a $5 purse. Yet, in all his manliness and strength, as a young boy, I watched how he tenderly treated my mom with on-going expressions of his affection. He did the little things that mattered.  When he did fail as a father or husband, it was the interest gained from those loving acts deposited over time that kept our family together in the tough times. Witnessing those small expressions of love given to each other over time created a respect that my brother and I have for our parents who have long-departed this life.

It’s never too late to start expressing your love. Today, look around and discover a place to deposit a little sweetness in the lives of those you love. That deposit may seem small, but it will not go unnoticed.

A few weeks ago, I got busy with our breakfast preparation and forgot to put the little piece of chocolate on Jan’s plate. When I walked out of our bedroom to return to my writing chair, I heard Jan say, “A little piece of chocolate would be nice.” Nothing we do in love for those we love ever goes unnoticed.

Following Your Passion

I recently saw a creative artistic expression posted by a friend of mine on his Facebook wall. I did not know that particular form of creativity was part of his life. As soon as I saw what he created, I imagined a book he could write. My friend is well-educated and known in his field of expertise as an expert and scholar, not an artist. I shared with him what I saw as a creative collaboration of what appeared to be a spur of the moment expression of an unknown talent (unknown to me) and his years of study and teaching. I made some suggestions to spark his interest in the project. If he ever creates the book, I'll be first in line to buy a copy.

My daughter, Anna, just released a book titled “Living Large on Little.” The book idea was not only a surprise to Anna, but she was surprised how easy it was to create once her life-experience and creative talents came together. Anna experienced the merging of a lifetime of wisdom and creativity that released its expression in the form of a book. That is what I hope to see in my friend as well.

God did not give us our passions to become static emotions without expression. Passion releases creativity. A friend of mine, John L. Moore, is a best-selling author who crafts his books around his passion for horses and ranch life interwoven with his unique life experiences. When you read books from people like my daughter and John L. Moore, you catch something not offered in books written without passion. 

This passion-empowered creativity is not limited to books. Another friend, Cheryl D. Garcia, sculpts beautiful steel art forms from raw metal that grace the small town where I live and beyond. I have another friend who is a winemaker who does the same with grapes, and the list goes on. Don’t allow your passion to be defined as a static emotion without release. Explore your passion and follow its leading into something tangible. This tangible quality may not be a book, a sculpture or wine. You might have a passion to serve and your tangible expression will be to show love to others through acts of service. 

Today, ask the Lord how He wants to use your passion to express His heart to others.  Following that passion might create a season in your life you did not know was possible had you not followed your passion into a place of tangible creativity. 

The Gift of Women

When Jan and I first came to Medford, Oregon 20 years ago, to pastor what would become Living Waters Church, we were met by a strange phenomenon. Our valley was a stronghold for male-dominated church leadership. A woman behind a pulpit preaching was anathema to many who lived under the dominion of a patriarchal leadership structure. 

About 15 years ago, I taught from Scripture the examples of women preachers, teachers, and prophets and how valuable their contribution has been to the unfolding mission of the Church on Earth. I also taught the contextual reality of what some have misinterpreted as a prohibition against women exercising a teaching gift. A simple study of the historical context sheds much-needed light on this misunderstood topic. A woman who had previously been part of a fellowship in our valley that did not believe women should be teachers came up to me after the Sunday service when I finished preaching about the gift of women. With tears in her eyes, she said, “I finally feel good about being a woman.” I was shocked and angry.

About the same time, a young couple visited our church on a Wednesday night. After service, they introduced themselves to Jan and me. They carried big leather-bound Bibles and appeared to be devout note-takers. After about 5 minutes of conversation, I realized they were from a local church that did not allow women to teach men. They asked about our "position" on the topic. I turned and looked at Jan, and from the expression on her face, I knew she was the one to address the issue.

Jan asked, “Did the church you came from have missionaries?” “Yes,” was their answer. “Were any of those missionaries women?” Again, “Yes.” Jan pressed it farther, “Did they teach the men in the cities and tribal areas where you sent them?” At this point, I could see the dismantling of thought was taking place. A concerned look crossed over the face of the couple, and one more time, they answered in the affirmative.

Finally, Jan said, “So, you are willing to let a woman go to another country as a missionary to teach both men and women, but you restrict that same gift once she returns to the United States?” The false teaching this young couple had been indoctrinated with was so deep they could not fully process the reality and cultural discrimination of its error. They left and never returned. And neither did a pastor from the same school of thought who visited my office one day when the topic of women in leadership arose. He stood up and marched out of my office, declaring, “Allowing a woman to teach a man is akin to denying Christ.” When my office door was slammed shut in my face, I felt deep grief for the pastor.

Imprisoning women in the shackles of limitation not only affects the women under its cruel dominion, but it also cripples the men who propagate the message. These men will walk through life spiritually stumbling in this area because they only see a limited view of God's Kingdom through a narrow lens of spiritual discrimination that was never present in the Early Church, and most importantly, in the heart of Jesus Christ. 

On Vulnerability

Jan and I try to have an open and honest relationship. We are free to share anything with each other. That freedom did not come overnight. It was the result of years of hard relational work. When we first began this shared journey, our openness about confession and repentance was raw, brutal, and at times embarrassingly vulnerable.

We decided years ago to have no secrets between each other. Since that initial decision, we have worked together to maintain that clarity because we realize the enemy of our soul knows how to drive a wedge of compromise between us if we give him any space. Those wedges appear when we allow exceptions to come between us for anything but full transparency.

Last night, one of those compromises made an appearance. It wasn’t some sexual issue, thievery or tabloid-worthy infraction. It would be something a lot of people might not even recognize. But I did, and so did God. He patiently waited for me to bring it up to Jan as the evening progressed. I forgot about it by the time we went to bed. As a result, I didn’t sleep well last night. This morning I remembered the issue as I was dressing, I asked the Lord to confirm if He wanted me to share it with Jan. He answered me like He does many times. He spoke through my surroundings.  In the very next moment after asking the Lord, I looked down and atop the dirty clothes bin sat our local newspaper. It was opened to a page where the title of an article read “On Vulnerability.”

A few minutes later, Jan walked into the kitchen. I told her about the issue I was carrying and the newspaper article. She smiled and laughed with joy at God’s faithfulness. Then she thanked me. One reason why I can share anything with Jan is that when I do confess something, I know I won't be rejected. The purest kind of love, the God kind, never rejects a person in a moment of confession. That kind of love celebrates vulnerability.

Jan and I are far from being perfect in a lot of areas of life, but one thing we do have is a shared vulnerability. It’s not fear-based. It is sourced in a spiritual and emotional hunger to be intimate with each other and most importantly, with God. We know how easy it is for love to be high jacked by subtle and progressive compromise. It would be the saddest thing to wake up someday and realize the relationship God had entrusted us with was compromised because we allowed something other than love to rule our lives at the expense of living in the freedom of shared vulnerability.  

A Strange Feeling

This morning, I am waiting at a car dealership to get our car serviced. While waiting, I went to use the restroom. Once inside, I realized the familiar male-oriented fixtures were not present. In the one tenth of a second it took me to realize my error, I flew out of the women’s restroom to find refuge in the men’s room and recapture my manhood.

There was certainly some sense of humor in my wrong choice of restrooms, but it does teach a lesson. It’s important to read signs, especially the signs of the times as noted in Scripture. In our haste to live in an accelerated pace of life we can miss the signs of the times that are in place to serve as a direction, and in some cases, as a warning. Like the feeling I had in the women’s restroom, when we rush past those signs we will end up in a place where something just does not feel right. We have to do something about those feelings because what they are spiritually transmitting to us requires that we engage in a response for our own good and for our spiritual safety.

A lot is going on today in the realm of the Spirit. Some of you need to make a rapid course correction or you will be found in the wrong place at the wrong time. Follow those impressions of the Spirit. They are given to us to keep us safe and free from the consequence of assumption.

P.S. The women’s restroom was thankfully empty. God is good!

God's Pretty Girl

On a recent ministry trip, I stayed in a not-so-great motel. It was out in the middle of nowhere. Things didn’t work in the room. The bed sheets looked like they were used the night before by another guest and had not been changed. It is the kind of room where you want to take another shower after getting out of the shower.  I got into the lumpy bed only to have an ancient air conditioner wake me throughout the night as it clanged to life every few minutes to blow tepid air in my face. A restaurant attached to the motel offered a free breakfast to its overnight guests. 

When I walked into the dining room the next morning, I felt impressed to sit in a booth next to the waitress service station away from the other patrons. When my waitress brought me a menu and water, I noticed she had some pronounced physical issues with her face. In fact, she had to repeat her welcome because her ability to speak was impaired. Her entire demeanor spoke of someone who had lived a rough life. 

When the waitress left my table to place my order, the Lord said, “Tell her she’s my pretty girl.” I knew this comment could come across a bit strange so I asked the Lord for the right time and the right words to prepare her to hear what I would say. I now understood why the Lord had me choose a secluded booth.

When the waitress brought my bill, I said, “I am a pastor and a father with a daughter about your age. I want to tell you something the Lord said about you. He said, ‘She's my pretty girl.’”  From the look on her face, I could tell she had not heard those words before. She smiled a beautiful smile and said, “Thank you. That’s very nice.” She then began to share with me about her family and how God was working in their midst. After we talked a few moments longer, she returned to her job. I left a tip and got up from the table, paid my bill and left the restaurant. When I walked out into the parking lot to return to my room I got emotional to the point of choking up with tears of joy. I had just witnessed God touch someone in a beautiful way.

Leading up to that morning in the restaurant, I had been on the road for a few days doing a lot of ministry in different venues and I was tired. Before my encounter with the waitress the whole motel thing was a bust. In that moment of tearful joy, I realized the encounter with the waitress might have been the most important thing I did on the trip. When I walked back into my cruddy motel room it was no longer cruddy. It was filled with the beauty of God’s presence and the lingering image of the smiling face of one of God’s pretty girls.

I See You

I remember reading about a young woman who was part of a team of noted researchers who accomplished a major scientific breakthrough. Her research produced the amazing results being celebrated by others yet her name remained hidden and unrecognized. Everything changed when another young woman who had risen to public notoriety from a place of personal obscurity noted her valuable contribution and made her name known on social media. The young woman was finally honored because someone noticed her.

We need to ask God to help us see the unnoticed ones who work behind the scenes. We live in a culture where those already standing on the public platform receive most of the praise and acclamation. Without the pivotal contribution of these unnoticed ones, the great accomplishments being celebrated would never have taken place.  

When you see these hidden gifts let them know you see them. They may be that one person who is the glue that holds an entire family together. They can be someone who introduced two people who formed a critical relationship that led to a powerful alliance or someone who gave of their limited finances to help an entrepreneur get started. They might lead a Sunday School class in a small church out in the middle of nowhere who led a great revivalist to the Lord. These people are all around us faithfully fulfilling their calling in life.

Noticing the unnoticed is something Jesus did very well and it is a skill all of us need to develop. Jesus saw apostles in fisherman and a future disciple in a tree. He saw an undiscovered evangelist in a Samaritan woman drawing water at a well. Destiny is discovered when someone is noticed. Seeing someone values them as a human being created in the image of God and that is the most beautiful thing to notice. 

Access Denied

You have wisely closed off an area of your life. This is a time for only you and the Lord to have access to that wounded place while it is being restored. You have needed time to heal. 

I was hiking to a high point overlooking the trail system above our home and saw the sign depicted in the photo. The sign was placed at both ends of an unauthorized trail that had created a cut off through a series of switchbacks. The barrier and sign have been in place for a year. In the year since the trail was blocked off the vegetation has grown back and the scar is almost healed. 

Some of the individuals or groups who did the wounding by trampling your life in dishonor now want to hike that part of your life once again. You have wisely set boundaries and rerouted that negative relational traffic. Hold your ground. These areas are not for just anyone to enter. Only trusted and true friends get to visit these areas in your life and that will be at your invitation. You will know when you have found that kind of friend. They are the ones who will never take a wounding shortcut.

Maturing Our Love

In any healthy relationship, you will discover that love, not fear, is motivating personal interaction. For example, in a marriage, one spouse can share a place of personal brokenness and not fear the end of the relationship. Children want parents whose first response to their failure is not punishment. If a parent is immature and repeatedly responds in fear, the child will cease coming to them and go elsewhere where someone will listen. 

As followers of Jesus Christ, we can change how we relate to each other in our relationships because we first discovered this kind of love when we received the unconditional love of God. We were able to come to Him and confess our worst sins and know that we would not be thrown away because His love had overcome the darkest elements of our lives. Confession without the fear of rejection confirms that love is present in a relationship.

John wrote about this kind of love when he penned the words, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love”(I John 4:18).

When John used the word “perfect” he was using a Greek word that means, “complete”, “full” or “finished, lacking nothing.” Only a mature love can live without the fear that human failure can produce. It is free from the kind of fear that creates unloving responses to another person’s vulnerability in a moment of confession. 

The evidence this kind of love is present and mature is seen in its ability to cast out fear when it rears its ugly head. John intentionally used a word to describe this casting out of fear. It is defined as “to violently throw with force” something out of a relationship that is interfering with the atmosphere of love. It is not a gentle word. It describes a spouse aggressively taking hold of a lie the other spouse believes that traps them in the fear of rejection and aggressively tossing that lie out of the conversation. This kind of love creates a safe relationship where we can get in each other’s face over painful failures and allow only love to come between us. That is a perfect kind of love.

The Roller Derby Women of Faith

As a kid, I remember watching a television show called Roller Derby. The show depicted women on roller skates racing as a team on an indoor track against an opposing team. I had never seen women act so tough. At age 8, I thought, “Man, I would never mess with any of those ladies.” When the memory paid me a visit so did a word from the Lord. 

While the actual Roller Derby was a push and shove match without much decorum, it did give me a picture of how a woman of faith responds to the lies and obstacles hell places in her path. A woman fully ignited in her faith and realizing she has a calling from God and a mission to execute is no one to mess with. Some have unwisely assumed a woman is always to be gentile and chiffon-like as her mark of womanhood.  There are times when that aspect of her identity is appropriate, but there are other times when a woman will be called to act like a Roller Derby queen and kick the butt of darkness aggressively out of her way. It's the momma bear thing. You don't want to get in the way of that kind of woman and play foolish games with her. I know. I am married to such a woman.

When I watched Roller Derby, I would see the winning team take a victory lap after a long and brutal race. These victory laps revealed breathless and physically spent winners rolling around the track in an exhausted peace where just moments before they had become visibly tough overcoming every hindering presence on the track. 

Some of you reading these words have been in a very challenging and emotional race. The race may have involved the fulfillment of your calling, the spiritual survival of a loved one, or in some cases, the fate of a city or nation. In the race, you were bruised and wounded, but you endured and pressed through every obstacle. For those of you who faithfully remained in the race, your victory lap is coming. So is a change in your attire. 

After the victory has been secured it will be time to be refreshed and change out of your garments of battle to put on something more in line with a long and romantic candlelit dinner. This will be a meal of fellowship you will have with the Lord. As you sit at the table, He will look into your eyes and smile knowing you had discovered the fullness of your womanhood. At that moment, you will know you are both a warrior and a lover.   

Never forget the devil and his minions see you as one tough chick. In Christ, that is your reality.  Once you realize who you are the devil's bluffing and bullying will have no effect. Your toughness and endurance in a race of faith come from the One you carry inside your heart, not how you look, your age or status in life. No lie or dark opposition will be able to stand in your way because you have learned to race with the promises of God as your strategy and your empowerment. You are tough. Race like it!

Paying Tribute to a Great Woman of God

I want to pay tribute to an exceptional woman of God who entered the Lord’s presence yesterday at the age of 96. Jean Darnall was a prophet who moved in the rare air of supernatural revelation. She was mentored by her pastor, Aimee Semple McPherson, at Angelus Temple. Under Aimee’s influence, Jean’s prophetic gift began to develop and mature. Jean would go on to become a trusted voice not only in the United States but also in the United Kingdom. While living in the United Kingdom Jean was a significant influence during the Charismatic Renewal, especially within the Anglican Church. She was revered for her words of hope and Kingdom insight wherever she traveled.

During a conference in the Netherlands 22 years ago, I walked off the platform and a hand reached up and caught my arm. It was the hand of Jean Darnall. As she gripped my arm she looked into my eyes and said, “Young man, you will write for God.” I smiled and tucked that word away not knowing what it meant. Ten years later, I walked into Bethel Church in Redding, California to attend a Leader's Advance. During that gathering, I had a life-transforming encounter with God that ignited the word Jean gave me that laid dormant and unactivated for ten years. That encounter with God in Redding was seven books and almost 2,000 blog articles ago. I haven’t stopped writing for God since. 

When Jack Hayford invited me to speak at his conference in Van Nuys, California several years ago, I stepped onto the platform and looked out across the audience. There, in the back of the auditorium was Jean Darnall. She came to hear me speak.  It was an honor to single her out as the person God used to prophesy a significant part of my calling. I will be forever grateful for the life and obedience of Jean Darnall. She modeled a depth of maturity, humility, and honor I hope to attain someday before the Lord calls me home. Rest in the peace of God’s presence, Jean. You have been a good and faithful servant of God.

The Fragrance of Our Passion

Each morning, Jan walks into our living room where I sit in my writing chair. As a ritual, I rise and hug her, my face pressed into the right side of her neck. I kiss her and take in her fragrance. We always linger in our embrace. It seems to reset our life before the day begins. As I write, I anticipate her arrival.

Something beautiful happens when the chemistry of perfume is expressed in human biology. A reaction occurs in the mixture. When applied, the perfume takes on a uniqueness possessed only by the person wearing the perfume. It becomes their fragrance in the application. I could be blindfolded and smell thousands of necks and know Jan's fragrance above all the rest.

Our faith must have this uniqueness of expression and intimacy. Without it, we will fall back on a cold and passionless thing called religion. In religion, there is no relationship to carry a fragrance. No place of intimacy, no one to hug. Just hard positions and lines drawn in the sand. Passion and intimacy are not valued because they cannot be measured or promoted, only received and enjoyed. This is why our journey of faith if it is to remain healthy and vibrant, will require a constant returning to a place of intimacy with God. In fact, the consistent rediscovery of intimacy is the only thing that will ensure our long-term wholeness as spiritual beings. It is our map for life and the course corrector for our future.

Each of us carries the fragrance of a broken jar of costly perfume. The nard of a shared intimacy with God was poured into our hearts when we became one with Christ. As Jesus reclines in our hearts at the table of our fellowship and we pour our acts of love upon Him, He tells the religionists to leave us alone just as He told the betrayer of intimacy 2,000 years ago when he complained about the extravagance of love poured out upon Jesus describing it as a waste. 

Follow the fragrance of intimacy with God. The source of that beautiful perfume will answer all your questions and show you the way forward. 

Spiritual Parenting

A spiritual father or mother must be secure enough in their calling to let their offspring play unsupervised in the real world. This release will reveal if what the parent placed in their children by wise counsel and a loving parenting presence will actually work when the child is alone with God and takes responsibility for their own decisions. Without this release, the relationship will not have the depth of maturity and joy God desires for our intergenerational relationships in the Kingdom of God.

Alien Love

I remember the day when I was four years old and said to my mother, “Are you from outer space?” I was a serious four-year-old asking a serious question.  I actually remember that morning in our kitchen when I asked the question, and my mom smiled and said, “No son. I am your mother.” I had just watched one of those old black and white Sci-fi movies depicting an alien in a flying saucer visiting a small Arizona town and scaring its citizens. My young imagination was moving at warp speed.

This morning when Jan and I got up and stood at our respective sinks in our bathroom, I looked over at Jan and asked, “Are you from outer space?” I retold my four-year-old story, and we started laughing. The bathroom window was open and if our neighbor were also up at 4:15 she would have wondered why people were laughing so loudly somewhere out in the darkness at such an early hour.

Jan and I have been together for so long I tell people I don’t know where I end and she begins. The oneness of a long-term marriage begins to blur some lines of separation in the relationship while at the same time highlighting and protecting our individual personalities in ways that only a life-long commitment can deliver. Our marriage is a gift from God, not a trophy of our goodness, wisdom or always doing the right thing. Sometimes we just look at each other in appreciation for God’s merciful patience with us.

At some point in a long-term relationship, you will enter a new space created by a new season. While you might not ask the “Are you from outer space” question, you might look at someone you love and see something you had not seen before. That happened to me this morning, the actual date of our 45^th anniversary. This morning as I stood at my sink washing my face, I looked over at Jan and saw something new in her.

The love of God manifested in two imperfect people, whether spouses or good friends, is not an arrival. This kind of love is the paving stones of a journey that draws two people deeper into each other and into the heart of God. This is a depth never thought possible when the relationship first began. It is an alien form of love on Earth not experienced unless God is the glue that binds two people together when failure or disappointment is experienced.

These two alien lovebirds are starting off on a romantic weekend together. The card is signed. The champagne is chilled, and the red roses are in a vase. While our flying saucer is being fueled, I am feeling blessed.

The Circuitous Route of Love and Life

In August of 1969, I was driving north on I-5 in my 69 VW bug to return for my sophomore year at Whitworth University in Spokane, Washington. I was reporting early for football camp. As I drove north, I was listening to the song White Bird by the band, Its a Beautiful Day. The song really struck a deep cord of emotion in my soul. I had just left a relationship and felt lost. My 19^th year was tough. Little did I know that in the storm of my loss and despair, God was navigating me toward the love of my life - a love I did not know existed. 

Driving north I had no idea the coming semester would be a closure to my time at Whitworth. The Lord would have me return home to Los Gatos, California where I would have an encounter with God in the middle of what would become known as the Jesus Movement. That encounter would take me north once again, this time to Multnomah University in Portland, Oregon where a beautiful young woman named Janice Jean Parry was waiting. Neither of us knew the other person existed. God knew and he would direct both of us along the circuitous of love and life to find each other.

Sometimes we must be cut away from what was to experience what can be. In these moments of painful release is where we have an opportunity to encounter God in a new way. In these encounters, when we are in a state of mourning about what no longer exists, is where God shows up to reveal to us something beautiful and profound. 

If you feel cut away and drifting in an ocean of loss and despair, you will not be adrift forever because God is leading your life. He uses every feeling of loss and each disappointment as rudders to steer you forward to something new and completely off your current radar screen. God is always leading you to a new place of wonder and beauty.

Running Away

If you feel like running away make sure it is in the right direction. The end of these undisciplined life-sprints will leave you alone, exhausted and without hope. When you cross the finish line you will discover the new destination resembles the starting point where your escape race first began. The scenery will have changed but the issues of your heart will remain unchanged. The only time we are supposed to run away is from evil or toward the heart of God. All other races have sorrow as their prize.

The Absence of Shame

One of the most profound relationships we can be involved in is spiritual parenting. Paul called Timothy his son. Ruth followed Naomi into her destiny. Elijah passed his mantle to Elisha. The Scripture contains many examples of spiritual parenting, the good and the bad.

These relationships are not limited to bloodlines. They are not age specific. They are an issue of the heart. A 20-something can parent a grade school kid. A 60-something can parent a 40-year-old, and in rare cases, a mature younger person can actually parent a dysfunctional person who is decades older.

One of the things a spiritual parent does that is crucial to the health of those they parent is to issue a warning in love. These warnings are not like the warnings given out as a sharp-edged form of punishment in hopes of shaming a child into obedience. God never shames anyone to do anything, nor does He call anyone to represent Him as a shaming voice. These warnings of love are issued so the child will begin to think of something higher, and beyond the potential failure that they are considering. A warning issued in love by a Spirit-led parenting presence will always be driven by a passion fueled by the incredible and unrealized identity the parent sees in the child.

These warnings have an element of prophecy attached to them. They speak as an invitation for the child to let go of the lesser to embrace the greater. A warning offered in love will surround the one being parented with a sense of security. A warning can actually become a warm embrace that gives a child the time needed to reconsider another course of action. The decision still rests with the ones who hear our warnings, bu knowing they are loved and cared for will help them make a decision that shame could never offer.

Taking Inventory of Our Lives

Your life may look full and in synch with God, but only when you put all of it on the table and take a closer look can you see what is missing. Taking inventory from time-to-time is a good thing. It can also be very revealing and at times, painful. Taking inventory will keep us free from assumption and help us make sure our emotional and spiritual stock is up to date.

Yesterday, I was in our garage taking an inventory of our available books in preparation for a busy season ahead. I placed the books in individual stacks on a long folding table. We needed to make sure we had enough inventory to cover each location and to see if we might need to order more books.

As I packed and labeled boxes for the various locations on our calendar, I realized I needed to order more of certain books or we would be short. When the packing was finally done, and new books were ordered, I did not realize later that night, Jan and I would need to inventory our life and marriage.

After 44 years of marriage, like any relationship, you can assume certain things. I had made an assumption about something and the Lord needed to correct my attitude in that area of our marriage. We had a long, and at times, painful conversation. The longer we talked, the more I came to realize there was an area in our relationship where I could do a much better job as a husband and friend. At the start of our relational inventory, I thought I had enough “books” on the table of our relationship. As I began to stack things on the table during our conversation, I realized I was short in one area.

We talked it out. I asked for forgiveness from Jan, and the Lord and put in an order for more of God and less of me. Our table was then filled with the inventory of hope and love that any relationship needs to remain healthy over the long run.                                                               

I write all of this to invite you to do an inventory check in your most intimate relationships. It would have been easy for me to assume I had enough books in all the boxes visible in our garage, but until they were unpacked and counted, I was not aware of any lack. The same is true in each of our relationships. Put all your relational inventory on the table and take an honest look. God may show you an area where your spiritual inventory is low. If you find an area of lack, ask God for help. He can express ship the solution to you in a moment of time if you are willing to receive its contents. Life always works better when our relational inventory is on the table and up to date.

The Worst Nightmare

Last night, I had a powerful dream. It was a nightmare. I dreamt that I had never confessed my worst sins to my wife. It was a horrible feeling – a feeling worse than the sins themselves. When I awoke, I literally thanked God it was just a bad dream.

The purpose of the dream was to affirm for me the power of living an open life of confession and repentance in my marriage. Jan and I are far from perfect. We have been married 44 years not because we discovered some magic three-step formula for a successful marriage. Along with having a gracious, loving and very patient God, we discovered the freedom and intimacy that comes when nothing is hidden. I can and have told Jan everything. Nothing is hidden between us.

The fear I experienced in the dream was a holy fear. It was the fear of having a relationship with my wife where she did not really know me because the fear of exposure kept me silent. We can never really know a person until together we cross the barriers of fear that guard our hearts and wall off the most intimate regions of our life. Jesus knows everything about us, the good, the bad and the ugly, and He loves us beyond our wildest imaginations. He is our example of how to live in a healthy and free relationship with another person, especially in a marriage.

Some of you cannot awaken from your nightmare because you are living it in real time. You can change the nightmare into a place of freedom by choosing to wake up and put all your spiritual cards on the table. In some cases, it may be wise to seek out some help if it’s a really messy and painful situation. 

The healthiest relationships I know are not ones who continue to live under the delusion of perfection without intimacy. The strongest ones have discovered an unimagined intimacy and restoration on the other side of a painful season of brokenness. This is where the most powerful testimonies of hope are waiting to be discovered and shared.

If you want intimacy in any relationship, honesty, disclosure, confession and repentance will always precede that intimacy. Without it, we will remain strangers living under the same roof and living in a shared nightmare. I stand with you and in Jesus' name, I call forth the courage required to overcome the power of fear that holds you captive. Trust God. He will show you how to wake up from your nightmare and experience true intimacy.

The Character of Your Character

Our character is not determined by our geography or our social status. It would be an insult to a single mother who is trying to raise her children in an inner city ghetto to honor God and then limit the potential of her children to the level of sorrow that surrounds her life. On the other end of the social spectrum is a religious small-mindedness that views every person of means as shallow just because they made wise business decisions that led them to a life of righteous abundance and comfort.

The kind of character that carries the traits of the fruit of the Spirit cannot be overpowered by geography or social status. Its power is found in its portability through any and all circumstances of life. Developing a depth of character is challenging whether you find yourself in a tough circumstance of life or in a place affluence. Godly character is formed over time by the choices we make that reflect something higher and more honorable than the circumstance that surrounds our lives.

All stations in life will have problems unique to their particular setting. It takes spiritual endurance for a single parent to hang in there while working two jobs and steering her children toward righteousness and away from a gang culture. It takes spiritual endurance for a CEO to keep his business plan on track with Godly principles and not sell out his morals along the way to the false god of easy profit.

 Every life will have these challenges. Our character is formed by the decisions we make in faith to rise above the challenges to choose something better. The people who learn to live this way are the most hopeful people you will ever meet.

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation” (Romans 5:3-4).