The Narcotic of Man's Favor

The favor of people is fleeting. It is also an emotional narcotic that can create an unhealthy need for its presence in our lives. This kind of favor is typically based on consensus and a shared worldview. When the consensus and worldview changes and is no longer mutual, those who negatively interpreted the change can initiate relational distancing and withdraw the needle that fed our need for their favor. This distancing is many times silent and polite, but hurtful, nevertheless. We then enter a favor addict’s season of withdrawal where we can become so desperate for approval we might put our integrity in a place of jeopardy.

 

Over the years, I've had favor lift off a few long time relationships. I discovered what I thought we had was less than I imagined because it only took one differing opinion to cause a shift in those relationships. It was painful to one day be “in the mix” with friends and then quietly moved outside the perimeter of the relationship.

 

We all want to be favored by others. It feels good to be included. But it can also become narcotic in nature. In these situations, we find we need continual hits of other people's approval and favor to find our value because we have forgotten our true value has already been set by God. 

 

There will be times when the favor of God will cause the favor of specific individuals and groups to lift from our lives so we can undergo a revamping of our personal value. In these times, we need to grab hold of our emotions and not let them run ahead of the truth regarding our identity in Jesus Christ. When the approval of others is withdrawn it allows the favor of God to be seen with greater clarity.

While God is processing your understanding of favor, especially if the favor of friends or associates has recently been removed, don’t burn your bridges. Always keep the way open for reconciliation. That will allow the favor of God to rest on your life in increasing measure in the coming days.

  

A Beautiful Moment

Today a beautiful moment occurred. I had prepared lunch and called Jan to meet me at the table on our patio. It was a lunch like many we have experienced together over the last 48 years. This time it was somehow different. Knowing our years ahead are far less than those we have lived together as husband and wife, a reality and beautiful finality descended over our conversation. 

As a shared emotion arrived and displayed its intent, I said, “I love you, and I am so thankful for what we have had together.” Jan replied, “I feel the same.” In the next moment, tears formed in our eyes and began to release a moist trail of shared endearment. 

These are moments of gratitude that can only occur when a commitment to mutual love has led the way through failure and shortcoming in a relationship. Our tears were a gift from God reminding us once again of what truly matters.

We Didn't Know Better

Toward the end of my mother’s life, I sat down with her for three days and taped interviews about her life experiences. One topic that emerged during our conversation was the issue of race relations. My mother grew up in the deep South during the 20s and 30s. 

My grandfather left the family during the Depression to seek work and never came home. As a result, my grandmother was forced to live alone in the South as a divorced woman. The divorce created a stigma for my grandmother, mother, and her brother. My grandmother was forced to open a boarding house to survive. My mom grew up with one pair of shoes that she wore to church and school. The rest of the week, she ran barefoot with her black friends. 

 

In the late 30s, my mom had become a local actress and dancer. As her career began to gain traction, she eventually traveled to Hollywood to seek a career in film. That career did not develop as she hoped, so she opened a restaurant in Los Angeles not far from Angelus Temple, where she would listen to Aimee Semple McPherson preach. Little did she know that someday in the distant future, one of her sons would become a Foursquare pastor.

 

On the train ride from Louisiana to California, my mother would learn a valuable life-lesson. About midway across the country, a black man boarded the train and sat in the same compartment as my mother. After a few moments, she got up and talked with the conductor. She noted, “Sir, a black man is sitting in our train car.” The conductor smiled at the unrealized ignorance of my mother and said, “Young lady. This is the West. Life is different here.”

 

When my mother shared that story with me, she said, “We were so ignorant then. We didn’t know better.” In all my growing up years, I never heard my parents use a racial epithet or slur. The correction of my mother’s worldview that began on a train ride many years ago would become a valuable gift that is still bearing fruit in our family. 

 

Like my mother’s experience, we all live in insulated bubbles of a perceived reality until our bubble is popped. When our bubble pops, hopefully, we will be able to see the reality other people must face each day that we did not realize was there when our ignorance blinded our eyes. Ignorance uncovered is a blessing only if it helps us see others in a new light, and with that resurrected sight, return to our own lives and make needed adjustments in our perspective. 

At some point in our life, all of us will come to realize we could have known better on a wide variety of topics. The lesson my mother learned that day on the train changed her life forever, and it became a life-lesson she passed on to her two sons. We can all be involved in a lifelong process of learning if we are willing to learn something new. Hopefully, in that process of learning, we will all come to know what is better.

Staying in Our Land and Making It Beautiful

Today, I went shopping for a few ingredients for my crab mac n' cheese recipe. In the parking lot, I ran into a friend of ours who lives in our neighborhood. As friends do, we talked about life, and the subject of what I was preparing for lunch came up. Our friend said she would love to eat my crab mac n' cheese, but some of her chronic health issues would not allow her such freedom. 

Our conversation shifted to making the most of life's challenges, specifically regarding food and eating things that agree with our constitution. It was at that point I said, "It is always good to stay in our lane and make it as beautiful as possible." I was referring to making the places of our limitations as beautiful as we could and, in the case of a menu, as tasty as our dietary limitations would allow. Our friend walked away, smiling. I headed home to the kitchen.

Perhaps my off the cuff slogan, "Stay in our lane and make it beautiful", is sage advice for all of us. None of us can run in all the lanes that life offers, but we can find our lane and make it as beautiful as possible. If we can do that, our culture might make the shift we have all been hoping for.