Reading Our Bias Into Another Person's Life

It never ceases to amaze me (and I admit, at times, it can frustrate me) how easily some people can read into something I wrote or said and allow their bias to be the interpreter of my intent. Our bias is a powerful filter that can cause us to interpret the purpose of others in a way the person being accused or challenged never intended.

 

We live in a world where our ability to offer quick and unfiltered responses to others is readily available.  It can happen on social media or when hearing a passing comment made during a casual conversation. We do this without pausing and asking ourselves if our corrective confrontation is valid based on what the other party meant to say, or is it just our bias talking. 

 

We live in strange times made even more bizarre when people read into our content and attempt to reinterpret our words through the filter of their emotionally-driven bias. It makes me chuckle at times, causing me to respond, “Come on, really?”. It’s like predicting who will win an election. You have a 50/50 chance to be a “prophet.” These situations can be amusing at times, and on other occasions, they can be distressing. 

I would suggest taking a humorous posture when these things transpire.  It will keep you emotionally, and spiritually sane as the levels of social insanity continue to ramp up, and our biases are given free rein to run ahead of our integrity. 

 

  

The Real Source of Our Conflict

At this time, when so much emotion is swirling about, and when each person holds a passionate and immovable position, it is too easy to forget what is taking place. Death is manifesting its presence, and that manifestation is taking many forms. 

There is a spirit called Death. In the Greek language, he is known as Apollyon. In Hebrew, Abaddon. This spirit is defined as “Destroyer” and “the author of apocalypse.” The definition also includes “ruin, “destruction, “the minister of death,” and “the author of havoc on earth.” These definitions are sourced from a root word meaning “perish.”

The manifestation of Death is not always a final blow, shot, or verdict. It works like the proverbial frog in a kettle giving its dark mission time to misguide us leading us down a path of greater forms of deception and decay until, at last, something dies.

 

When peaceful protests for righteous issues are allowed to become riots that lead to anarchy and eventually death, death will have accomplished its goal.

 

Abortion, once a sad solution for an early-stage unwanted pregnancy, moved its demand for death to mid-term pregnancies, and now to the unimagined horror of late-term abortion.

 

Poverty created by disadvantage and dismissal of those living in the decaying inner cities of our nation has created generations who have only known loss and lack. This disadvantage and dismissal have brought the death-producing mindset of hopelessness to an entire family line.

 

A marriage that began in love and commitment ends in divorce. Death has a mission to destroy the oneness of the earthly image of Christ and the Church by removing reconciliation and forgiveness from the relationship.

 

When Jesus rose from the dead, He disempowered Death. The faith of the Church is built upon that victory. Our response to the resurrection of Jesus is to bring life in all its forms to our conversations and actions. Paul repeatedly preached a message about the implications of resurrection life because it is what empowers the Gospel message by disempowering the ministry of Death in all its forms. 

 

Many are praying against the byproducts of this spirit. There are many examples of these byproducts of Death, along with the ones I noted above. Praying against these manifestations is a good thing, but only if we recognize the root that is spawning such issues and giving them a place in our lives. 

Going to the root cause of the brokenness in our world - Death - will keep us from making enemies of those who are manifesting the byproducts of that dark spirit. It will also help us reevaluate our response to what agitates us and allow us an opportunity to define our real enemy.

 

  

Writing a Letter to Your Future

This morning while arranging some books and correspondence, I came across my daughter’s 50-Year Letter. It is a letter I asked her and her then-fiancé to write in preparation for their wedding last month. The letter would define what they hoped their marriage would become. In the letter, there was no mention of bank accounts, fast cars, opulent houses, or social status. It was filled with expressions of faith, relationship integrity, and lives yielded to the purposes of God.

When I was a pastor, each time I was asked to officiate a wedding, I had the couple write out a letter outlining their hopes and dreams. I used that letter to counsel them before their marriage and drew from its contents to craft my message during their ceremony. I also asked them to pull out that letter each anniversary and ask the question, “Are we still moving towards these goals and aspirations?” If not, I asked the couple to get some help from trusted friends and counselors so that none of their hopes and dreams would fall by the wayside and become unfulfilled.

 

As I held Anna’s letter in my hand, I felt a nudge to ask some of you, “Have written a letter defining the prophetic promises God has made over your life, your marriage, business, ministry, or your children’s or grandchildren’s future? If not, it may be time to write such a letter. The letter will become a promise-anchor that will keep you from drifting in times of fear and despair when your life and dreams seem to be wandering away from fulfillment.

 

When you write and read your letter in the years to come, you will be prophesying to the original promises made about your future. Just as someone might read God’s word to gain hope, so it is when we have allowed the desires of our hearts to be infused with promises made by God to become a statement of faith that will lead our unfulfilled desires to a place of fulfillment. 

 

Just One Person

The prayer of one person can change the course of a family's history or the destiny of a nation. God does not rule by consensus. He is sovereign above all things, even our determined, yet short-sighted understanding of His ways. A single prayer uttered at a strategic moment can alter the course of human history to align with the heart of God. Stop wringing your hands in fear and despair at the things you see and hear, and the hopeless future those reports project. Listen to the Spirit and follow His leading. Your obedience will lead you to an altar of prayer where God will pray through you His heart for the future. Place your hope in the words you hear and pray at that altar. They will be your place of confidence when life is unstable the future seems insecure.

When Corny is Good

Last night, Jan and I watched a movie that was different from our typical fare of drama, action, and intrigue. It was a western. At first, I thought it might be too corny to endure, but it grew on us as the minutes rolled on. The theme of the movie was redemption, honor, and integrity. After the movie was over, I turned to Jan and said, “That was refreshing. I’m glad we watched it.” Jan agreed. Perhaps we are all at that place emotionally when filling our eyes with simplicity, authenticity and a bit of corny emotional input is just what we need. A detour into the simple and pure things of life in these complicated times will offer us an intermission of peace and a moment of rest when life becomes heavy and dark, polluted with a never-ending broadcast of evil and wrongdoing. 

The Sword of Government

The older translations of Romans 13 tell us the government does not bear the sword in vain. In more contemporary language, we would read that phrase as “without purpose.” One noted translator rendered that portion of Romans 13 to read “'not to hide it (sword) in the scabbard, but to draw it.” 

The rule of law is in place so we can endure the violent swings of culture and remain intact as a society. As those swings take place, a government will attempt to keep social order. If you have never lived in the middle violent social disorder, it is hard to imagine what that feels like. While missionaries serving overseas, Jan and I lived through situations where social disorder had broken down to such a degree that we worried about our safety, and in a couple of cases, our very lives. 

Jan had this happen to her as a little girl. Her parents were missionaries in Central America. Rumors had been circulating through the small town where they lived of a violent uprising coming against them as Protestant missionaries. One night, a large mob assembled in front of their home carrying torches, Molotov Cocktails, and machetes intent on killing her family and destroying their home. Just as the mob was about to carry out their deadly mission, soldiers arrived with bayonets fixed and pushed the crowd back bringing an end to what would have been the scene of multiple grisly murders.

Social order is more than speeches, kind gestures, and political promises. Order must be maintained at times by force. Force can seem rough and out of proportion to those watching the news from the comfort of a living room sofa or from within the insulated halls of debate. When the “sword” of government is wielded, it is not a pleasant thing to behold. But at times, it is necessary. To those whose neighborhoods, businesses, and even their very lives are in danger from a spirit of anarchy, the arrival of those assigned to defend life and property is a welcome sight.

The Power and Beauty of Belonging

On July 4^th, Jan and I had the honor of officiating our daughter’s wedding. Toward the end of the ceremony, I had Anna and Jared exchange rings. I explained to them wearing my wedding ring for the last 47 years was a daily reminder that I belonged to someone – to Jan. I remember the day Jan and I drove to the Eastridge Mall in San Jose, California, to buy our rings. I still carry the joy of that day. After all these years, the pattern on our rings has long worn off, but their meaning has grown more significant and meaningful with each passing day.

A sense of belonging is critical for a person to be healthy, both emotionally and spiritually. Belonging is not created by wearing jewelry or owning shared property. It is a look in a person’s eyes when you embrace them that speaks of shared love and commitment. It is a feeling you carry when apart wanting to be in their presence once again. It is a sacred trust and something you protect at all costs.

Perhaps one of the greatest things we can do for someone is to let them know they belong. For a friend, it is offering a reminder of the value of your friendship. For a stranger, it is affirming them as a fellow human being who is worthy of our love and respect. 

When people no longer feel like they belong, a separation occurs, and in that place of separation, mean-spirited and harsh things take up residence. The only thing that can disempower those things is a kind word or a gesture of affirmation that tells them they belong.  We all belong to each other and to God. No one should ever feel like they are alone. Knowing we belong is the first step in healing the painful wounds of separation. It is our responsibility to initiate that first step with each person we meet.

Hidden Blessings in Betrayal

Jan and I have learned and God has faithfully reaffirmed, a powerful life-lesson after each painful betrayal we experienced. We learned that betrayal is a doorway into hope and resurrection. This was only possible if we did not allow our hearts to grow hard, cold, and unforgiving. We have experienced several deep betrayals over the years, and each one, without exception, turned into an opportunity for a blessing we could not have imagined when we were first immersed in the pain. Betrayal is not the end. It is the beginning of something new.

A Place at the Table

Recently, someone said they would prefer a place in the kitchen before they were offered a place at the table of cultural dialogue. I thought that statement to be very insightful. In the kitchen is where we prepare the meal that we will serve at the table of discussion. I would like to suggest we add an additional step. 

We need to offer each other a place in the decision-making process of what ingredients we will bring into the kitchen. There are times people can feel like a menu has been prepared without consulting their unique spiritual and emotional dietary requirements.

What would it look like to invite people with opposing views to go shopping with us? As we walk the aisles of a market together and instinctively reach out to grab a familiar ingredient that our intellectual taste buds have grown accustomed to, what would happen if we paused?  And in our pause, asked our fellow shoppers if our preferred ingredient would actually prepare a meal that all could enjoy?

This shared shopping experience is not a compromise of truth. It is a process of exploring the depths of truth to reveal a more substantial conversation than a fixed menu could provide. 

We are in a moment when a diplomatic faith will be what moves us forward into a more inclusive and powerful representation of our faith. The menu of our social dialogue is changing because new ingredients are being selected. We are learning how to shop together to prepare meals of discussion and fellowship that will genuinely change us and, as a result, change the world.

The Power of Listening and Learning

We all react with disgust when we see a video of evil brutality or images of an inner-city burning in protest. The problem comes when we fail to realize the deeper issues in play that brought these images into view. Being willing to move past our initial emotional response and engage the underlying issues is where healthy personal and cultural change begins to take place. We must all be willing to address what we missed in our initial reaction, or we will continue to see more sick videos and destructive riots on the computer screens of our future.

Jesus had a solution for strained race relations. He said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” His commandment to love others as we would want to be loved applies to every relationship we have – friendships, marriage, government policy, family, and many others. Every single relationship we have must come under the scrutiny of this love, or it will be highjacked by our preference or bias and leave us entrenched in broken relationships with people who look and believe differently from us. The concept of loving our neighbor can appear like just another simplistic saccharin-infused concept if no change has taken place in the way we think. When we demand the other opinion to be the ones who must always change, we are actually part of the problem.

When Jesus answered the question about the greatest commandment, He first mentioned loving God with our entire being - heart, soul, and mind. He then said our love of God is manifested in real life by loving our neighbors. Loving our neighbor is not a separate issue from loving God. It is the measurable byproduct of our love for God. 

One of the areas that love wants to change is how we think. In our minds is where uncomfortable and unfamiliar conversations are waiting to take place.  Love helps us push aside our bias, our preferred worldview, and any resulting prejudice we might have and simply listen to those who are expressing a sorrow we know nothing about. The process of listening can be painful - painful when we discover what we thought we knew but did not understand.

I linked below a resource a friend of mine shared on his social media account. It is a grace-filled first step of personal preparation to help us engage in conversations about race. Race relations is a complex and challenging subject. It will not be solved in a day but we can begin to move forward toward a more healthy place of dialogue if we are willing to simply listen and learn.

https://bethebridge.com/docs/16Tips.pdf

At No Point

When we allow our personal opinion to become doctrine, we will always harm and divide the unity of the Church. At no point in my lifetime have I seen the importance of making that distinction as it has become in this moment of history.

A Matter of the Heart

Every follower of Jesus has an anointing given to them by God to accomplish what He has called them to do in His name. That anointing can lift if our hearts and not aligned with the heart of God. Experiencing success of any kind can become an illusion if we think in our success, we can overlook the small things that are, in essence, the big things to God. 

Aimee Semple McPherson, the woman Billy Graham said, was the greatest evangelist of her century, exampled the kind of heart God loves to work with. I remember talking with an oldtimer in the Foursquare Church. He shared a story about Aimee. On a typical Sunday morning, multiple services of 5,000 people were taking place. It was standing room only. Many were getting healed and saved. The nation had its eyes on Aimee and her profound ministry. 

On one particular Sunday, as Aimee was making her way to the platform, she became brusque with a young woman who was part of the ministry team at Angelus Temple. As Aimee was getting ready to walk upon the platform, the Lord told her to go back and make things right with the young woman, or He would lift His anointing from her ministry that morning. Aimee's heart was so in tune with God that she immediately turned around and searched out the young woman to ask for forgiveness. When she finally arrived on the platform, the power of God fell on the meeting.

In this time of isolation, when our emotions can experience fatigue, and our responses might resemble a less than loving response, we cannot move forward if we let our negative responses to people remain unresolved. On our way to re-engaging as a culture, we need to make sure we make things right if we have wronged each other. It doesn't matter who is right or who is wrong.  It's a matter of the heart. The anointing on our life and ministry depends on it. God has some profound things to accomplish as we re-engage. He needs our hearts right so we can move forward under a fresh anointing for a new season.

When Relationships Become Unhinged

Over the years, I have had people become, as they say, unhinged in their response to something I said, did, or wrote. Its probably happened to you as well. The term unhinged is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary to describe something as “highly disturbed, unstable, or distraught.” 

When we are the recipient of an unhinged response during a stress-filled exchange, an open door of opportunity appears. Just this week we bought a new refrigerator because our old one died. The delivery team had to take our back door off its hinges to remove the old frig and deliver the new one. Without the door coming off its hinges, the delivery could not have taken place. 

If you have received an unhinged response from someone during this strange and unfamiliar time, choose to look past the remarks or actions to see the opening that stands before you. The best of people who usually exhibit sound, stable, and measured responses to life can become unhinged in a moment of personal weakness. These negative interactions are an opportunity to begin praying for people with greater understanding and compassion. It also allows us an opportunity to examine our own hearts. Those who delivered an unhinged response to something you said or did might be facing stressors and challenges you are unaware of that inflamed their initial response.  

Until a time when a resolution and mutual healing takes place, your prayers and words of blessing will make possible the delivery of something new to the wounded relationship that only an unhinged doorway of opportunity could have provided. God has the ability to turn the negative experiences of life into something good if we are willing to work with Him, even the hurtful unhinged responses we toss back and forth at one another during a moment of unguarded response.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom

I've already wished Jan a happy Mother's Day in a public and personal way. I wanted to take a moment to honor my mother, who has been with the Lord for ten years this month. She came from a life of poverty in the deep South. My mom had only one pair of shoes she wore to church and school. She traveled from Louisiana in the late 1930s to pursue an acting career in Hollywood. The attached photo was her publicity photo when she tried to break into 20th Century Fox Studios. Becoming a starlet did not work out, so she opened a restaurant not far from Angelus Temple, where she heard Aimee Semple McPherson preach. A few years later, along with her mother, she moved north from Los Angeles to San Francisco, where she would meet and marry a young carpenter named Charlie Elkins. Together they would birth a firstborn son who would later serve in the Foursquare Church many years into the future. In San Francisco, my mom would become an actress and dancing presence in San Francisco stage productions, most noticeably at the Mark Hopkins Hotel. Such a rich and diverse history she had. Happy Mother's Day, mom. I love you.

Be Careful

Our culture is coming to a collective emotional head in this time of isolation, especially in communities of faith. The number one issue we are all facing is fear - fear of losing control. It could be our fear that the “normal” we once knew might go away and never return. Sometimes this fear is manifested when an opinion is expressed that breaks rank with a narrow interpretation of a critical issue causing someone to be pushed out of the orbit of a familiar relationship they once knew.

When an early Church leader wrote the poignant words, “In the essentials unity, in the non-essentials liberty, in all things love” he gave us a key to help us navigate through this challenging season, primarily through the area called the non-essentials. Non-essential does not mean unimportant. It is referring to something not worth destroying years of relationship over.

What lies between the bookends of essential truth and expressing love is where we can encounter relational jeopardy. When an opinion, which is the realm of a non-essential, is allowed to become essential or a reason not to love, we are in trouble. A single idea expressed outside what was considered acceptable is sometimes all that an individual or group needs as a reason to say goodbye to a relationship, and punish the opposing viewpoint with separation and silence.

We have all been guilty of this offense at one time or another. Our fear, if not disciplined, will weaken our most cherished theology or, worse, destroy the bond of love in our relationships. That is always such a sad and disheartening experience. 

^“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity” (Colossians 3”12-14).

A Fork in the Road

Some of you are approaching a relational fork in the road. At this intersection, good people with longstanding relationships will disagree over sensitive issues and then choose to take different paths into the future. 

This does not have to be a negative interaction if the hearts of the participants remain open, sensitive, and honoring to each other. God in His great wisdom will help both parties to arrive at a safe place in the future even though they will travel on different paths. 

A healthy spiritual family is bound by the diversity of love, not the similarity of control. Each child will respond to life differently from a variety of convictions, even though they share the same family history. 

In the coming days, resist the desire to control the choices of other people by demanding they see and react to life in the same way as you. This is an opportunity for us to model to the world a diverse faith that invites freedom, not conformity.

Catch a Memory

Take a moment and recapture a fond memory. It is a healing exercise. I just did, and a strange and beautiful peace entered my mind pushing aside some of the concerns I have picked up of late. 

As a young boy, I remember going fishing with my dad and riding in his little aluminum boat on Lake Berryessa in California. Dad had an old 2-cycle outboard motor that coughed and chugged us across the glassy surface of the lake at the break of dawn, leaving in our wake a tendril of blue exhaust smoke. Our fishing poles stuck out from the boat’s bow like a ship's masthead with red and white bobbers bouncing up and down. My brother and I sat in the front seat, shivering in the cool early morning air that passed by our pink cheeks. As the boat motored toward our favorite cove, we were anticipating the first tug of a fish taking the bait and submerging our bobber. Dad was at the stern, running the outboard with a Camel cigarette hanging from his mouth. My brother and I exchanged glances with each other and then back at dad. He was smiling. He loved to be with “his boys.”  Those were simpler times with a lot less life clutter to process.

Today, reach back in time and grab a simple memory. Linger in its remembrance for a few moments. Like the power of a testimony, a simple memory can cross time and bring the same joy into the current moment that was experienced when the event first took place. These are gifts from God. Unpack them with joy.

In Flew a Ladybug

This is a photo of two of my favorite females. Jan is holding our new puppy named Ladybug. The pup is the result of a romantic encounter between a Labradoodle mom and an Australian Shepherd father. This photo was taken a couple of weeks ago. I like it because Jan and Ladybug had just finished taking a nap together, and all was all quiet on the puppy dog front – for a moment.

The name Ladybug came after wanting to name her Lady but felt she was something more. My daughter Anna commented one day as we entertained our new puppy’s name, “She reminds me of a little ladybug.” An hour after Anna made that comment, the yet-to-be-officially-named puppy and I were sitting outside in her kennel enjoying the sunshine when a real ladybug flew out of nowhere and landed on my right arm. Once the ladybug had my attention, it flew up and off my arm and made a few orbits above my head, making sure I got the message and then flew away.

God likes to confirm the little things in life, like the naming of a puppy. For those whose image of God is of a distant and distracted father who cares little about such things, I pray those dear souls could see Him in a different light. 

Today, look for the ladybug kind of confirmations that visit our lives on a daily basis. They are messages from a loving Father who wants His children to know that His eye is on the sparrow, little puppies and anything His children love.

Emotional Solitary Confinement

When I was 12-years old, I went pheasant hunting with my dad and brother near Los Banos, California. We saw a promising field and asked the landowner for permission to hunt. He was gracious and took us out on his property to show us where the birds hung out. 

On the way to the field, we passed an old, abandoned farmhouse. The house was where the landowner stored some of his farming equipment. As we approached the house, a deep and threatening growling and barking began. The farmer kept a guard dog locked up in the house to deter theft. I saw the dog in the window and called out to say hi and was told by the farmer not to address the dog. He said he wants no one to speak to the dog so it would not become accustomed to human contact and remain aggressive to strangers. Even as a kid, I knew that was wrong on so many levels.

That guard dog reminds me of what happens to people who are isolated and alone for too long. They lose contact with reality because they lost contact with human interaction. As this time of social isolation deepens, make sure to reach out to the people you know and might not have seen in a while.  It is good for a person’s emotional health to know they are not forgotten. 

They say solitary confinement in prison can really mess with our mind and turn us into someone we would not recognize before the isolation took place. Maybe before the farmer isolated the dog, he was a friendly family dog and not suspicious of every stranger who approached his prison cell of life. 

THIS!

My wife, Jan, just wrote and released this powerful blessing.

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Blessing of Suddenlies

Isaiah 29:1-8

Isaiah prophesies sudden deliverance, which is fulfilled and recorded in chapter 37:36-38. He is not only speaking about a specific time in history, but a truth about what God is like for His people and towards their enemies. 

In the name of Jesus Christ,

      I bless your spirit with the wonder

      of living in His presence,

      in His preserving favor.

Whether experiencing great blessing

      or distress, you are always directly

      face to face with Him.

When trouble hems you in on all sides,

      keep looking to God—persevere in hope.

If you are humbled by adversity

      and under great stress and duress,

      if you are filled with sorrow and fear—

      your voice reduced to a whispered prayer—

      believe deeper still in God’s word to you.

He has already spoken a word of deliverance!

Your enemy considers himself powerful,

      yet that is how completely he is deceived:

      he is culpable and he will be humbled;

      his power doesn’t compare

      to the awesome ease of divine action.

This is what God is like:

      He will dispatch the threat,

      completely removing it—

      forgotten as though just a dream.

Divine deliverance will happen suddenly;

      in a dramatic, last-minute instant—

      it will happen!

I bless you with new faith,

      refusing to live by working the system

      and by practicing religion,

      yet not believing God’s word.

Without minimizing human culpability

      and the reality of evil in the world,

      may you no longer be run around

      by the noisy sounds of discord:

      no longer live as though you

      are at the mercy of earthly forces;

      no longer live as though you are dealing

      with secondary causes.

You are blessed with a direct face to face

      relationship with the Lord Almighty

      in every circumstance.

Though His mercies may seem delayed,

      He will not delay—

      He will never fail you:

      He is sovereign in history,

      He is your Higher Reality,

      He will preserve you,

      He will have the last word—

      and it is a word of deliverance.